My granny was diagnosed with Dementia a few years ago and I have been in denial about it for the longest time. Tonight for the first time since her diagnosis I have accepted the fact that she will never again be the same granny I grew up with. This is my letter, my way of coping with my anger and sadness. I know this isn't navy or military related but oh well.
Dear Granny,
I am not sure what my intention is in writing this letter or how/if I will choose to communicate this with you, but it is something I have been thinking about for a long time. I now understand why they call it the "long goodbye." It feels like every time I visit, it is not only another day that I get to spend precious time with you but also a bitter reminder of how much you have faded since the last visit. I know I don't visit near as much as I should, but it is extremely hard to watch you slip away and not be able to do a single thing to stop it.
I know you will never remember me reading this letter to you or the conversation we had on Halloween about Connor being a pirate. You will never remember our many sailing trips that we took or the "Hot dog stands and Dairy Queens" While these memories slip away from you I find myself clinching tighter and tighter to each of them and trying to think of more to write down for you.
I really don't know how to deal with losing the only grandparent I was ever close to. I could tell you ANYTHING! We used to laugh for hours over the silliest things. I used to sit in front of you and you would rub my hair while we watched lifetime movies. And man oh man could you make a ham sandwhich!
It is the small things that you remember when you are losing the one of few people that mean the world to you. When I was little I used to wake up crying after a dream of you passing away, I feel that dream is becoming a reality at a slow yet terrifyingly fast pace.
I can't begin to tell you how heart broken I am, I miss you. I know you are still there physically but YOU are slipping right through my fingers. I just hope you always know how much you are loved and how much I will ALWAYS cherish the time we have spent and will spend together. I will NEVER forget the love you showed me.
I love you!!!!
